it's been a while.

it's been a while for a lot of things.

just now i deleted the music i downloaded when we first met.
i don't listen to it.
and if i hear it, it just reminds me of you.
i don't need to question things anymore.

you say one thing and just do another, and i don't really have the time for that.
i was distracted, stressed, anxious, and tired.
for weeks.
after barely weeks.
how is that any good?

your actions reaffirm my decision.
they give me confidence in what i wanted.
they assure me of your character.

they say actions speak louder than words.
well, you're yelling now.

salad.

beans, corn, tomato, avacado.
way delicious.

having a hoo-hoo sucks.
i think too much.

nice of you to not invite me,
assholes.
nice of you to not reply to me,
assholes.
nice of you to not care,
assholes.
thank god i'm moving.

assholes.

blar da blar.

ummmmmm i hate homework that takes this long.
it's very confusing and a lot of work for not many marks.
i should definitely just go finish it.

phew.

it feels good to take charge.
now that all of that is off my chest, i can relax.
life can now just unfold.
what will happen, will.

well guess what,

i'm not 15.
if i ask you to communicate better with me, and give me the respect i deserve, you need to follow through with that.
you don't give me 12 hours notice, after i chase you down, to tell me that you're inviting yourself over.
don't just assume it's ok when you know how busy i am.
if i ask you to plan ahead and let me know when you do, i expect you to actually let me know when you do.
if you knew on wednesday you should have told me on wednesday.
not thursday evening when i phone you, and then you get mad at me.
how is that fair?
get a hotel next time, because i'm not going to feel uncomfortable in my own house.
i'll respect your rules in your house, but you better respect me in my house.
this is my house.

aiewhraw ehpaweuhaefjaweimsomadatyoueoihaweifhwefanwe.

haha.

that was sarcastic.
ball is in my court.
perhaps you don't realize this.
definitely getting to be over it.
the 2/3 away isn't really working for me.
this is gonna turn into a friends with benefits thing, but i'm not into that.
talking to new people is good.
especially when they're similar and have similar values and wants.
i'm not gonna worry too much.
it's just nice to know that there are still people i can easily click with (thus far).
we shall see how this unfolds.

if you don't have the time, i'm not going to waste mine chasing you.

basically my friend is telling me to be honest with myself and straight up with everyone else.
this is a really hard thing to do.
i don't know how to figure out exactly what i want.
i think i know but it's just really hard, life is in the way.
why?
august - calgary
september - edmonton
october - calgary
so someone has to be willing to bounce around with me.
i can't stay here or be with someone up here.
and i'm gonna get my ass kicked in my last semester.
so i dunno what i want, but i want that thing to work out.
whatever it is.