jumbled thoughts.

1.i'm getting to that point of being anxious to leave here.
i love my school but when i'm not in/around school i get anxious.
i don't belong here.
is it bad that sometimes i can't wait to finish just so i can leave certain people behind?
maybe.
then i feel guilty.
the last time we went away and i had a panic attack was a sign.
i don't feel like i'm in, i feel like i'm out.

2. sometimes i think back and i get so angry with myself for putting up with his shit.
so hypocritical and one-sided.
i don't think he wanted me to be happy.
i tried so so hard, for him and for us.
he ended up being the one lying for months and months.
i can't listen to the song somebody that i used to know without thinking of him.
it's us perfectly.

3. it's your birthday today.
i miss you.
i wonder things i wish i didn't wonder.
i hope you still feel how you said.
i wish it was next year already, then perhaps things could finally work out.
t-minus 3 weeks until i can see you again, and i simply can't wait.