the good left undone.

all because of you, i haven't slept in so long.
when i do i dream, of drowning in the ocean.
longing for the shore, where i can lay my head down,
inside these arms of yours.

all because of you, i believe in angels.
not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos.
the kind that bring you home, when home becomes a strange place.
i'll follow your voice, all you have to do is shout it out.


sometimes i feel like home is strange.
not my house or my actual home, but my life's home, if that makes sense.
who and what i am, where i am in life.
something is missing, it is incomplete.
hopefully one day i can feel like the last part of this song, where someone will bring me home.
there would be no questions, no uncertainties.

random thoughts.

i miss thailand.
i was thinking today, why i miss it.
i miss it's calmness.
people there are not angry, or hurried, or rude.
sure there are times when it's annoying to have tuktuks whistling for a ride, or when old women from tribes try to sell you jewellry....but they aren't angry like people are here.

i read a girl's blog today, i used to work with her but didn't really know her.
it seems something bad is happening, and it makes me sad.
i probably won't ever talk to her again, but somehow it affects me.
i am sad.

i am hungry.
my stomach is growling.
i want more than what is now.

i need to know what people expect of me.
i need to know what people want with me.
am i merely a way to pass time, or am i something to make time for?
this is all very confusing.

in the past few months, i have been the least stressed that i've been in years.
years.
hopefully health will respond.
almost everyone at my job, most of my friends, and some of my family have gotten sick lately.
i have not.
i take this as a good sign.

life rules.

accepted into u of a nursing! (moving in january)
toga kegger this past weekend.
kegstands (2), beer bong, beer pong (3-4, i don't remember).
meeting up with old friends.
working=money.
sunshine and hot weather.
fall colors.
birthdays! (mine is in 2 days!)
gold shoes.
i'm going to new york for new years! (i'll be poor, but at least i'll be poor in new york).

it's official!

i'm going to be two things for halloween.
they will both be awesome.
i now need to get in ultra good shape for one to be a success though.
well it will be anyways, but this would just help.
for the sake of anyone reading this (not that they ever do), i won't say what said costumes are.
one is nerdy and in no way slutty, one is also slightly nerdy and is basically underpants.
don't guess either of them please.
gotta workout!

mini-rant.

i need to post twice today because i need to get this out.
ugh!!
if you say you will text me, text me.
if you say we will hang out, wake up before fricking 1pm and hang out with me.
if you say you'll call me, effing call me.
if you know you're not going to, just tell me to call or text you, duh.
this is retarded.
i'm pretty sure you don't realize you're doing it, but you are, and i don't want this silly little game to keep up.
i wish you read this, because i'm probably not going to say this to you.
i wish.

man you make me nervous.

i shouldn't be, so why am i?
i think you're right.
ugh.

the bucket list.

• travel: us (new york, las vegas legally, florida, redwood forest again, washington, others i can't think of), india, france, england, amsterdam, russia, india, japan, australia, antarctica, africa, brazil. i want to go to every continent.
• boob shots (give and take)
  
• write a book
• attend an "anything but clothes" party
  
• save someone's life
• skydive
• change someone's life forever
• find happiness
• tell people i love that i love them
• make amends
• climb a big mountain
• fall madly in love and have a family with said person
• knit a full body suit
• sleep outside (completely outside, not in a tent)]
• have my own garden with carrots in it
• learn to cook
• win some sort of championship
  
• live near the ocean
• scuba dive in australia and mexico and anywhere else
  
• rescue something or someone from something or someone
• be able to to chin ups
• give birth naturally with no meds
• road trip with friends
• make knitted things and sell them
• work with addicts to get them clean from whatever it is
• learn muay thai or some form of butt kicking
• live my life without regret
• go see mt. rushmore
• make 1000 paper cranes (in progress...)
• climb the stairs (all the way, to the top) of the CN tower
• remain cavity free
  

some of these are obviously more short term than others.
this list isn't finished, and i will add more when i think of them.
the reason i'm writing this, is because i need to move forward and focus on things in my future, and i want to make my future good for myself...i want it to be amazing.
i want to take life in stride, be able to deal with whatever i am dealt, and be happy despite anything bad that happens.
i need that, i deserve that.