is anyone there?

it's easy to feel lost,

but only once you're lost can you truly be found.

you caught my words in midair,

the silence hung as you caught my eye.

conversations,

locked away in my mind.

wine makes things better.

i can't hate you, i don't have it in me.

i hate how you made me feel then and how it still makes me feel now.

to feel dirty and used and disgusting,

just like you told me i was.

part of me knows that's not real and part of me questions it all now.

almost cancer but not quite yet.

this will be fun to deal with, with shitty words in the back of my mind.

cheers.

energy.

1. patient a dies
2. i come on shift in a different patient group
3. patient b dies, one of mine
4. patient b taken to morgue after family leaves
5. patient a's family wants to view the body, as new family members arrive from out of town
6. i volunteer to take them with a social worker and security
7. on the way to the morgue, social worker calls me by patient b's name
8. what?

it was not a common name.
i have never even seen social worker before.
social worker tells me she knows nobody by that name, and isn't sure why she said it.

9. arrive in morgue where both patient a and b are
10. ponder life

that felt strange.

your last breath was an exasperated sigh.

miss seuss.

you meant what you said and you said what you meant,

(an elephant's faithful one hundred percent.)

it takes a good friend to say what you said.

you aren't an elephant, but i know you'll pick up what i lay down. 

minds race when you can't sleep.

time flies when you're trying to slow it down.

the more you untangle, the faster it comes and the more woven it all gets.

confusing memories and dreams gets the best of you.

come back down, 

stay grounded.