wine makes things better.

i can't hate you, i don't have it in me.

i hate how you made me feel then and how it still makes me feel now.

to feel dirty and used and disgusting,

just like you told me i was.

part of me knows that's not real and part of me questions it all now.

almost cancer but not quite yet.

this will be fun to deal with, with shitty words in the back of my mind.

cheers.

energy.

1. patient a dies
2. i come on shift in a different patient group
3. patient b dies, one of mine
4. patient b taken to morgue after family leaves
5. patient a's family wants to view the body, as new family members arrive from out of town
6. i volunteer to take them with a social worker and security
7. on the way to the morgue, social worker calls me by patient b's name
8. what?

it was not a common name.
i have never even seen social worker before.
social worker tells me she knows nobody by that name, and isn't sure why she said it.

9. arrive in morgue where both patient a and b are
10. ponder life

that felt strange.

your last breath was an exasperated sigh.

miss seuss.

you meant what you said and you said what you meant,

(an elephant's faithful one hundred percent.)

it takes a good friend to say what you said.

you aren't an elephant, but i know you'll pick up what i lay down. 

minds race when you can't sleep.

time flies when you're trying to slow it down.

the more you untangle, the faster it comes and the more woven it all gets.

confusing memories and dreams gets the best of you.

come back down, 

stay grounded.

dear boy,

this is no motherfucking avicii song.

this is when you realise that actions speak louder than words.

out with the old, and in with the new.

we'll love again, but just not each other.

i will love you where it matters,
and i will love you when it counts.

hindsight.

you are not nearly quite the person i thought you were.

which is too bad for me, and too bad for you.

patients, perspective.

one fellow never ceases to amaze me.

debilitating illness is one thing when you're 90, but something entirely different when you should be at work and have teenage children.

the courage and strength he brings each day are more than i could imagine.

facing challenges every single day, he still manages to laugh and put a smile on everyone around him.

perception is key in life.

seeing his coping makes me wonder why i worry about the small stuff. 

it makes you realize what the important things in life truly are.

never again will i take scratching my face or blowing my nose for granted.

wine.

while it may not be for some,
this is the first step in my path to recovery.

love comes slow, and it goes so fast.