life updates.

ah i leave for costa rica tomorrow!
im nervous.
mainly for the flying bit...so many transfers.
takeoffs and landings kind of secretly really scare me.....plus this time i'm alone.
i've never flown anywhere alone before.
(yes i'm a baby)
hopefully i don't forget anything really important!

is it bad that it makes me so happy when i see skinny girls with cellulite?

therapy.

ladies night dinners with my two best, truest, and longest friends/sisters is all i ever need.
everything they say is exactly what i need to hear.
when i am with you, i am home.

miss you <3

struggles.

i'm going away for two months but your words won't leave my head.
as much as i try to ignore them, they only get covered up with similar thoughts of my own.
i had been on the verge of a panic attack for a week at that point, go figure it happened.
the kicker is that it was half blown off.
perhaps if there was a pause and some reflection, it would have been more salient in your mind.

i haven't felt this utterly gross in years.
i remember the location, the person, the feeling, just as if it were yesterday.

the floodgates are open,
here we go again.

jumping to conclusions
made me fall away from you.

roadblocks.

so i figured that would happen.
after all, i pretty much watched it unfold that night.
it's a great feeling when you get to watch the awkward phone number exchange/initial wooing process when you're in my position.
not.

unrelated note: i'm pretty disappointed in myself.
for reasons that will not be fully disclosed here (although if you know me very very well you may guess.)
i haven't been taking care of myself like i should have been.
cut backs need to be made in a few areas.
desired results will hopefully ensue.

dear crazy girl,

if your ex doesn't live anywhere near you, free game.
just because you once dated does not mean he's yours.
i'm supposed to look at you and see why you're so hot?
yeah, you look just like the sluts at the bar with fake bottle blonde hair, too much spray on tan, and you probably throw up every piece of celery you manage to get down.
i may not be 5'8 and weigh all of 90 pounds, but if your ex was seeing me for a significant amount of time, then clearly he sees something besides a fake jealous bitch like you are.
obviously you don't realize that he's seen other girls since you....you have no idea what i know.
if you were really as special as you seem to think you are, this wouldn't be the case.
i was seeing him almost a year ago, it's irrelevant now anyways...old news.
if you wanted to bitch at me you should have done it when it mattered.
and i certainly don't need a 19 year old from fucking manitoba to be messaging me on facebook to tell me how it "is".
kiss my ass.
(ps it's the same ass your ex loved)