ghosts.

it kinda sucks to see you wearing things i bought you, with your new girlfriend.
i wonder if you think of me when you put them on.

life lessons.

1) don't be rude to me when you tell me shit about a person you don't know.
2) why do you feel the need to tell me this shit when you know it's probably BS and it'll make me anxious?
3) it's stressful making sure people don't die.
4) it's amazing watching people heal.
5) i think these feelings are becoming more frequent.

what feelings?
i am apathetic.
towards this place and towards these people.
i am anxious.
about these people and those people.
i am lonely.
because of the physical distance and the emotional distance.

but don't worry, i can put on a good show for you.

mini sentence updates, in no particular order.

mm muscles.
8 packs are a plus but i feel like the number of abs is directly correlated to level of douchebaggery.
we shall see.

why do new potential ass guys come in when old whothefuckknowswhatsgoingon boys decide to make things complicated?

i just want to dance like that last night.
i want to be there.
i want to feel alive.

i don't know you anymore.
this time last year we were much closer and now you're a ghost.
most of the time we're silent.
we are there, but not present.

there was a certain smell of last summer that i miss.
coffee, ikea candles, early bike rides to class, wet grass in the morning.
a random intoxicating mixture.
life seemed more simple back then, but perhaps life is more simple now.

9 months.

update.

i got my tattoooooos yesterday.
well, technically the day before yesterday.
on the 13.
love love love love love love them.
i'm still so pumped.
i'm so happy i did it.

i just want to go home.

that's all.

reflections.

i look smaller.
i feel smaller.
my clothes are more comfortable.

but when i look in the mirror i still see flaws.
it would be nice if i just had smooth skin and even bits.
i'm certain one of my legs is 1/4 of an inch shorter than the other.
my hips reflect that, and i'm not a great fan.

i doubt that any amount of getting in shape will change that much.
too bad.

i still remember everything he said to me so long ago.
you would think it would go away, but it doesn't.
it echoes in my mind and lingers there for a while.
after over 10 years, i don't want to hear your voice anymore.

next tuesday: tattoos (2).

tattoo (two)esday.

we, haven't located us, yet.

i want to dance and sing and feel your heartbeat next to mine.
i want to feel the music and the people and the love.

escape from etown ensues, t-minus 10 months.

i'm pulling away.
let's see how long it takes you to notice.

today,

i am healthy.
i am not sick.
i can breathe, and i can sleep.
i do not need to worry.