dear boy,

this is no motherfucking avicii song.

this is when you realise that actions speak louder than words.

out with the old, and in with the new.

we'll love again, but just not each other.

i will love you where it matters,
and i will love you when it counts.

hindsight.

you are not nearly quite the person i thought you were.

which is too bad for me, and too bad for you.

patients, perspective.

one fellow never ceases to amaze me.

debilitating illness is one thing when you're 90, but something entirely different when you should be at work and have teenage children.

the courage and strength he brings each day are more than i could imagine.

facing challenges every single day, he still manages to laugh and put a smile on everyone around him.

perception is key in life.

seeing his coping makes me wonder why i worry about the small stuff. 

it makes you realize what the important things in life truly are.

never again will i take scratching my face or blowing my nose for granted.

wine.

while it may not be for some,
this is the first step in my path to recovery.

love comes slow, and it goes so fast. 

I do not like it sam i am.

shut up sam.

i do not want it in a box or with a fox,

or whereverthefuck with a whateverthefuck.

who knows what i want just stay the fuck away.

stupid fox.

worst part of the job.

it's not the rude patients or the rude families.
it's not the demanding demented patients.
it's not the confused wandering ones who creep into other patients' rooms and steal their food.
it's not the grouchy old men who hit on you.
it's not cleaning people up or changing diapers.
it's not paging doctors repeatedly until they finally call you back to clarify orders.
it's not the heavy lifting or the long hours on your feet.
it's not the long days, or evenings, or nights.
it's not missing out on weekend fun because you have to go in to work.
it's not the lack of sleep.


it's that moment when you find your patient unresponsive.
the moment you pick up the phone to tell him his mother unexpectedly passed.
the moment you hear the awful look he must have had on his face.
the moment you give him your condolences and hand him her belongings.

the moment when you become the last person to see someone alive.